Lost

Fingers don't wanna move...pen don't wanna scribble...words don't wanna live and keypad is getting wayward......I feel I m Lost again.

I have been holding up so many things since last few months...and I think I need a good vacation too...aah but God only knows when the good day will dawn!!...

I have lost count of time, I have lost count of my age, I have lost count of my feelings, I have lost count of my needs, I have lost count of my urge to be with her, I have lost count of myself !!! In short I'm Lost....

I don't realize when sun shines, when dusk fells, when stars twinkles...life has become barren...I have no idea at all Y is it all happening...

There are moments in my life where I just wanna give up. Give up fighting to survive each day as a normal sane human being. I sit here typing out word after word when I really just want to smash up anything, everything. I want to scream, I want to hurt, physically, so maybe i'll forget about the emotional pain. I want to shout at all the people who have caused me pain, I want them to feel the pain they have inflicted.

People say, "You are working hard, but not smart!" To be honest to the statement... I’m not doing either of the said things...

What I aspire to be in life is already mauled in dust of my social needs...I have to be what I'm not just for the sake of pleasing fellow clays....I’m not liking bit of it.. Actually, to be true to myself...I never liked things when they go astray of my thoughts...

I like what I am...I like what I feel is too-ethical or non-ethical; I'm just lost...

Song for the moment:

Kabhi shaam dhale toh mere dil mein aa jaana
kabhi chand khile toh mere dil mein aa jaana
magar aana is tarah tum ke yahan se fir na jaana..!!

Somewhere down my throat I hum these verses, why? For whom? I don't know or I just pretend that I don't know? I really don't know Y???

I'm pretending! Each and every breath I take is an affectation and nothing more than that. I'm pretending to myself...How Strong I'm... I'm inflicting pain on my innocent and sensitive soul! I have no idea wot am I doing with my Life...I guess I just need a vacation...a Long Vacation to start life with a Fresh. Wot Say ???

Keep reading, commenting, enjoying & cheering your Life.

Luv u all.
sHeHzU